Who am I?

Who am I, who have I become? These questions have dawned on me after a very disturbing incident with a couple of elderly women. You’re asking yourself, what could have happened? Well what I’m about to tell you may shock you to your core. Maybe incident is too harsh a word. But this morning I recalled a conversation or even a debate I had with my wife and her 2 aunties last night that I was quite vocal about with some cleverly thought arguments. But what was this topic debated last night that now has me questioning myself and my life’s direction. Are you ready for it?..... “The Aaahh Bra”. I know OMG, WTF, ROFL, right? But you should of heard me, I was all up in their faces with “Say good bye to pinching, binding and chafing” and then hit with some “Who doesn’t want to get rid of bra bulging and under arm cleavage?” and then the knockout blow “It fits perfectly even if you gain or lose weight, break through technology etc”. Take that right? Woah hang on, how come I know all this stuff? Am I gay? I enjoy manly pursuits, I’m good on a shovel, and I’ll try and fix the car myself. Then I remembered that girl on the aaahh bra ad is smoking hot and I often say I wonder what that aaahh bra would look like on my bedroom floor. That last statement shouldn’t get me in trouble with my wife because the girl in the ad actually wears 2 aahh bra’s over the top of each other so she’ll still have one on. You see with the aaahh bra , they are so comfortable you can wear 2 bras and wear it as a crop top for the gym. Ohh No! I’ve done it again haven’t I?

Anyway not gay, Check.

So what’s happening to me? I’m now getting flashbacks like an episode of CSI. I remember tearing up when Jack Vidgen belted out Whitney Houston for the first time. I was upset about the people being unfair on My Kitchen Rules. I watch My Kitchen Rules.  I cook I clean, there’s no way you can get me to wash my whites in with my colours. Watching a romantic comedy at the movies is more appealing than a gritty thriller. Maybe this isn’t a bad thing; maybe I’ve become some sort of man/woman hybrid that can do it all. I cook, clean, make lunches, clean the pool, and build a fence. I’m a better me than before. I’m a domestic superhero of sorts. Maybe I could be “The Clean Lantern” or  “Supperman”. Too far? I’m worried.

To all my male friends who are having a laugh at me, you all knew what I was talking about when I mentioned the aaahh bra so take a look at yourself and If you want to ring me up and have a dig at me, for the first fifty callers there will be an extra bonus offer. Oh no, ive done it again.

I can’t wait for the football season to start.

Hi,
I have had some interesting and challenging jobs in my life, a concierge, chased shoplifters, made surfboard foam, driven limousines, but none of those skills has prepared me for the hardest job i never applied for.... Raising an Autistic child. Although no job could ever prepare you unless you were once a hostage negoitiator or a hand to hand combat expert, a cleaner preferably experienced in the removal of dried weetbix from the ceiling, a gyprock repairer, a nurse, a doctor, a psychologist and probably wouldnt hurt if you own a chip factory, if this sounds like you i have got the job for you. Now i'm not here to complain or make anyone feel sorry for me because like raising any child there are rewards, none i can think off the top of my head but i know there are. Raising children of any age without a disability or "normies" as we like to call them is difficult enough any way. But when you add 2 hormonal teenage daughters and an austistic boy thats a "perfect storm" of parenting.

Most days for me start the same like groundhog day, i am woken by the sound of our bedroom door flying open with enough force to blow the sheets of the bed, then he sings the morning song like a pack of sheep "Dah, Dah Dah Dah" until he gets to my beside and starts the negoitiation process by sitting on me and yelling those 2 words i hear about 100 times a day "Im hungry". Now in a split second i have to summize what the time is, is the sun up, and also try and forsee the future of how this exchange is going to play out because its different everyday. Like im on autopilot i usually suggest one of the following to him, "can i have 10 more minutes sleep" or "can you come back when the sun is up" or "you can make you own breakfast, you're a big boy now" said like an encouraging dad. Now this is where it gets interesting, what will his response be and as important how good of a game am i going to play today. Am i going to be able to be calm and nuturing today? or has my patience been tested to many times this lifetime and "LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE". His response today is..... (drum roll) one the classics his go to move, slapping and pinching. Now keep in mind the last paragraph has happened in about 10 seconds and my eyes are still closed, well until the slapping and pinching that is. My game today is hostage negoitiator, "Come on mate, why dont you lay with me for a bit and then we'll get up and make some toast". Reply.." I can't my doctor told me, mum said, i left it at school" followed by more pinching and slapping. A metaphoric line has been drawn in the sand with his gibberish. I'll reach out to him one more time.... "You go and put the toaster on and i'll be down there in a minute (or 30)". Reply.... pinch, pinch, slap, slap, pinch and then run around to mums side of the bed and start crying " I can't live here anymore, dads annoying me".
Oh stuff it ill get out of bed.

As i mentioned before please dont feel sorry for me this is meant to fun and enlightening and make you all feel a little bit better about the morning you have had. I have 2 very good psychologists who help me cope with the day to day struggles of bringing up an Autistic child, Dr Jim Beam and Dr Jack Daniels. One day i'll tell you what happens after i've got out of bed, but not now, too tired.

The best things in life are free

Much to the disgust of some of my facebook friends, today's topic is not of the plight or flight of troubled migrating birds. But recently I was having a conversation with some interstate friends who were asking about the decrease in tourism numbers since the floods and cyclones of last year, they were asking of the many things to do on the Gold Coast for their next visit, as a former Concierge (and bulls*#t artist) this topic was right up my alley. But as i began to rattle of the numerous activities that a tourist to the Gold Coast can experience like theme parks and watersports and aquaducks and a plethora of crazy things, as i was mentioning them had realized that they had nothing to do with the Gold Coast at all. Those theme parks and aquaducks etc could be plonked on some land in the mid coast of New South Wales and not change a thing at allto their operations. It dawned on me that the best things on the Gold Coast that i was born in and is now hardly unrecognizable are the beaches, the rivers and estauries, the mountain areas and waterfalls. So i'm thinking the next time you have some visitors to the coast dont suggest or take them to Movieworld or Seaworld, take them for a swim at the beach, take them for some fish and chips on Burleigh Hill at sunset, take them to a waterfall etc. and the distant future it will be far easier for their children to remember their trip to the Gold Coast not by the 1 hour line up for a 20 second rollercoaster ride but rather the time they spent an hour getting the leeches out of their shoes after a rainforest walk or the time they were told after they swam in the canal that it was full of bullsharks or seeing a small child with a cup of calamari being almost swallowed by a large pelican outside of Charis seafoods. So come on Gold Coast Tourism let everyone know what a great place the Gold Coast is and you dont have to spend a lot of money but bring some bandaids.

Welcome everybody

Welcome,

This blog will be my ramblings, thought provoking comments, comments on current issues, favourite shows and anything i'm in the mood for. Your comments are welcome on any topic.

Thanks